Safe Co-sleeping, it does exist!

I didn’t co-sleep with Ashton. No way, far too anxious to do that. With him I followed the SIDS guidelines to a T. And when he was around the age Leo is now I was getting up 8 times a night to resettle him. It nearly broke me.

I didn’t plan on co sleeping with Leo either. Not of out anxiety this time, I guess I just assumed it would be the same as last time, a task I’d have to bear. He had other ideas however, refusing to sleep away from me from his very first night in the hospital. I spent my 4 long, alone nights in there with him sleeping right on my chest, never actually going into more than a doze.

Then first and second nights at home I tried and tried to get him to sleep in his bassinet. And he just wouldn’t. He’d wake and cry within 10 minutes of being put down and I’d wake and cry for not being able to sleep. This was going on a week now of not me not getting any sleep, like none at all, and I knew something had to change.

So I lay awake at 3am googling the safe sleeping guidelines. I knew they existed somewhere out there, I just had to find them. And when I did I released into them, it was that or break.

That was 9 months ago now and Leo still spends most of his night right next to me. We’ve got his cot side-carred to our bed which means we both have our ‘bed’ by he is free to move right next to me if he wakes and needs to. And I’m also free to easily move him into his bed if he’s sound asleep and I want more space.

When people ask me how many times he wakes at night I can’t answer them – because I haven’t had to actually wake up once to re settle him in the 9 months of sleeping this way. If he wakes, he finds what he needs, and I have to assume I subconsciously help him, and he goes back to sleep. I never have to get
up in the night and he never wakes enough to cry or make noise. In short, I get to sleep like new Mamas most commonly do not get to. Something I didn’t get until after a year with Ashton.

I don’t have a plan for when Leo won’t sleep with me anymore, I’m thinking I’ll start to move him into his own bed by the end of the year, but I won’t be in any hurry. I’ve learnt so much since Ashton was born and now appreciate how precious and formative these first few years are. Our babies need us. They need to know we’re here and have their backs, ALWAYS. Not that we’re here for them during the day but at night their needs don’t matter. As an anxious child I vividly remember needing my parents during the night well into primary school. I would never had slept had I not been allowed that comfort, so I’m empathetic to my kids because I know how it feels.

I wanted to share this because I know how hard it is when baby won’t sleep. The loudest campaign we’re told as new Mums is the baby on back, in their own bed. We’re frightened into following this perfectly and told there is no other safe way. But there is. Humans have existed for thousands of years and you can bet through all that time there were no bassinets or separate sleeping spaces for the baby. The safest place was right next to Mum, and it can be still now.

If you’re wondering, here’s the one of the safe sleeping guidelines I followed. If you want others please ask me – they do exist and co sleeping safely can most definitely happen.

From La Leche League International.

(to the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”)

No smoke, sober mom
Baby at your breast
Healthy baby on his back
Keep him lightly dressed.
Not too soft a bed
Watch the cords and gaps
Keep the covers off his head
For your nights and naps.